in lieu of writing a traditional “about me” section, i’ve opted to answer a selection of my readers’ most pressing questions. if there is, in your analysis, crucial information missing here, feel free to ask.
twenties/xx/betwixt & between
2. to what does “penny reading” refer?
back in the days when sex involved lying back and thinking of england, it rather understandably didn’t provide entertainment enough to keep the lovely victorian housewives occupied. and because of unfortunate realities like sugar shortages and empty wallets and the as-yet nonexistence of tupperware, house parties were also of the less-than-thrilling variety. enter penny readings: pay a penny, listen to someone read. quality not guaranteed, but a decent way to kill a few hours.
3. paper or plastic?
surely you could have guessed that i have a canvas bag that loudly declares my moral superiority and accuses you of being an ethical piece of shit for not having shelled out $50 for a sweatshop product that costs $0.20 to produce. but after i fill that up with trans fats and frozen foods, paper. they line up more regularly in the back of my suv.
4. can i find/friend you on facebook?
writer for hire.
also: teacher, pet sitter, tofu scrambler, performance artist, confidante.
BA from Columbia University (history/pre-law, creative writing on the side). departmental honors, magna cum laude, the works. it’s been downhill since then.
8. best feature?
i’ve been told my skull has a shape phrenologists would swoon over. i periodically flaunt it by shaving my head.
enough with the false dichotomies, already.
11. were you among those counted in the last US census?
12. political views?
the only laws i want in my bedroom are the ones i enact, after handcuffing my lover to the bed and swallowing the key.
no. though i’ve been overheard telling my significant other, from time to time, that i’m in the market for a more interesting animal.
penicillin, bad grammar, woody allen
15. blood type?
unknown (no joke. i should probably find that out before the next time i start to bleed.)
16. future plans?
an MFA someday, probably. though not if i can avoid it. simultaneous homes in manhattan, istanbul and northern cyprus. becoming a wildly successful soy milk entrepreneur. being discovered by a long-lost billionaire relative on his/her deathbed and convincing them my writing and exorbitant lifestyle are worthy causes to fund. in which case, definitely no MFA. and an exorbitant lifestyle.
17. can you carry a tune?
i can sing “where is thumpkin?” in two different languages. hand motions & everything.
18. so, seriously. what goes on here at penny reading?
daily ramblings, mostly. i post things that aren’t cloyingly private and that i won’t be submitting elsewhere, for whatever reason(s). the publishing industry has a nasty little tendency to consider things written on blogs “published” and thus won’t accept them, so aside from works that are already out there, you probably won’t be seeing too much of my fiction or poetry here. but that could change.
19. is it true what i’ve heard about you?
i’d say the probability is high.
20. what’s your spirit animal?
what’s a spirit animal? i forwarded this question to my buddy nate, who helpfully answered both my question and yours. according to him (and my trust in him is unshakable), my spirit animal is the honey badger. not familiar? take a look: